HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
