How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you had me at cake vodka
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
