how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
