I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
