The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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