Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
