My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
this boner is exhausting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
