She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
