I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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