How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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