So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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