We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
