just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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