first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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