he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
