We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
