Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
