Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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