Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
