a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
