Quick, to the slutcave!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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