Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
