not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
