i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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