i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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