i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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