Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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