i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
