My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
