I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
