dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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