New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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