I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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