By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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