Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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