you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
