Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
