Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
