Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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