we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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