I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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