Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
