i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
