he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
