And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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