I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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