if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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