I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
