I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
this will be a night to untag.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
