take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
