i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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